The Midnight News 7.18.01
Posted By Hyatte on 07.18.01
Numbers, Teasers, Bischoff on the Web?, Foley, Ryder, Canadians, The Snake, and Ring Rats 2
Well...
Not much to talk about. Rather slow Tuesday.
So, I'll stick what news there is in here, and mix it up with some fun stuff. You'll like what I came up with.
Off we go...
JAW DROPPING NEWS!!!
I'm serious here. No joke.
First, go to www.ericbishoff.com
Okay, one letter off. His name is "Bischoff", Not "Bishoff".
NOW... go to www.ericbischoff.com right now. I swear to you, you will be amazed.
No, really... I SWEAR!!!
Thanks to Cwelsh for this.
SMACKDOWN PRE-SPOILERS SPOILERS....
411 weaseled the Smackdown taping results off another site... all we do is steal things... except skills... 411 is nothing BUT skills... mostly thanks to MY greatness... but I digress.
Without giving much away, here's what you can look forward to...
Vince SINGS!
Vince gets assaulted.
The first mention of "the football league" that failed. But apparently, the segment with that comment was done over, with the comment omitted.
Y2J Vs DDP
Regal makes it clear just which side he's on
There is a backstage segment between Kane, the Undertaker, and Tajiri that is said to be hilarious, with Kane getting off the funniest line in his life.
Babes and Refs go at it in one ring.
Rob Van Dam makes his WWF Wrestling debut.
Austin wrestles.... but he doesn't make it to the last few minutes of the match.
And, the show goes off the air with one ending, but the house sticks around and gets "the rest of the story".
There. I have officially gotten you as jacked up as possible for this show.
WHO WATCHED THIS CRAP?
The numbers are in... and Raw performed.
The show pulled in an overall 5.0 rating for the night. There was a HUGE leap of a full rating point + .3 from the first hour to the second. In fact, the numbers grew steadily all night long... dropping down from a 5.6 to a 5.5 in the last quarter hour.
The Torch is where I got this.
HARRY POTTER IS FOLEY'S BITCH
According to PWBTS.com, Mick Foley is taking FULL advantage of WCW property that the WWF now owns and will write a new children's book called "Halloween Havoc". It'll be 48 pages long and published by Reganbooks
No release date yet, but something tells me that it'll be before November. I don't know... call me crazy on this one.
Oh, and Jerry Lawler will be doing the illustrations. So expect the story to revolve around the Kat and the whacky adventures she has.
ALL ROADS LEAD TO RYDER
From the same guy who brought you the Pool Ball/Joey Styles connection yesterday...
Hyatte might not have noticed...
Austin beat up 16 ECW/WCW wrestlers last night...
16 divided by 2 equals 8.....the same amount of letters in Kentucky
James from Kentucky was a regular caller to WCW Live
WCW Live was hosted by BOB
Six degrees of Ryder Fakin
Now I'm getting nervous....
OH, THOSE BADASS CANADIANS!
Want to know why America does not fear our Northern neighbors? Check this out.
QUEBEC CITY (Reuters) - An elderly Canadian man was said to be recovering on Thursday following a savage attack by his pet cat, which drew four carloads of police, two ambulances and an animal control officer.
The National Post newspaper said Gerard Daigle, 80, lost a pint of blood and required stitches after his cat Touti, a diminutive roughly meaning Tiny, launched a frenzied attack after Daigle, who was apparently giving his pet parrot a shower, inadvertently sprayed the cat with water.
Daigle, who lives in Trois-Rivieres, Quebec, halfway between Montreal and Quebec City, could not be reached for comment on Thursday. The newspaper said he was saved by his 81-year-old wife who wrestled the cat away, only to have it turn on her.
"The cat wanted to eat her, too," the paper quoted Daigle as saying.
The couple managed to chase the cat into the bedroom and slam the door.
Police responded in force because they thought they were dealing with a domestic emergency.
It is not known why Daigle was giving his parrot a shower.
HAW!!! Yeah, you Mooseblowers are real TOUGH!!
Thanks to My Lodi for the info.
SPEAKING OF CANADA....
Wow, now you hosers may have to get actual JOBS!!!
Seems that the WWF is going after CANADIAN sports bars that show WWF pay per views for free. They have filed a lawsuit in Federal court, asking for the sum of 1.7 million from 30 CANADIAN drinking establishments that have been caught airing PPV's for FREE!!!
No, the WWF has no problems with bars doing this, so long as they sign up for a special subscription service. They cannot order the show and show it to the public.
Carl DeMarco is the WWF Canadian President (HAW!) He says, "Halting this unauthorized and illegal broadcast of our intellectual property and television programming protects our fans and our numerous business partners. This initiative, together with our very active effort to seize counterfeit merchandise at retail stores and live WWFE events, will ensure than our fans continue to receive quality and authentic products."
STOP PIGGYBACKING ON AMERICAN COMMERCE!!! YA DAMN DIRTY COMMIE BASTARDS!!!!
1Bob spun this tale.
BUT, PLUGS
Nope, not a damn thing. We need more writers. How about a "rapping" writer? That would be so HIP!!!
Just do yourself a favor and keep an eye on the great 411 Newsboard. We got spoilers deluxe and Widro is always posting interesting crap from the Torch Newsletter. It won't be long before he starts posting Observer Newsletter crap too.
Okay, so I don't oversaturate you with Honky Tonk Man stuff, how about we pay another visit from everyone's favorite crackhead....
YOU DON'T KNOW JAKE!
At the beginning of this year, Jake "The Snake" Roberts had an idea. Seeing how sick and tired he was of having web douchnozzles like me call him a Crackhead all the time, Jake decided to put up an offer.
I've read about myself for so long that now I don't hardly want to know what the next truth sayer has to say. I've met thousands who went school with me in Stone Mountain, GA. Guess what? I'm not even from there. Dummy. Heard so much about my drunken stupors that I want to puke. Hey, show me your face and I will kiss your *** and hope that God strikes me dead that there aren't five maybe ten situations where I was half as drunk or behaving or performing below my expectations. Show me ten situations where I was so messed up on pot, pills, coke or whatever that I was belligerent, dangerous to others, not performing to yours or my standards, again I'll kiss your ASS!!!! Please show me where I have been busted or convicted of any drug or alcohol offence - now that is very hard to do!!
Tell me or show me what a horrible and nasty man I am. Now that's hard to do.
Prove to anyone who knows me that I'm not someone that you-and they other psychics what a criminal I am. Now that's hard to do!!
Yes, there have been a few times that I've done things that I heartily and sincerely regret. What are they? Yes there are some horrible things that have molded and changed my life, friends, family, and outlook on each... what are they? There are a couple of things that at times I would give anything or body part to change... Eg: Beyond the Mat...
What I am saying is very simple! How in the hell can anyone tell where I'm going, when absolutely (we've got absolutely) none know where I've been.
You just want something to read, scan, lie about, be jealous or compare to and destroy to raise you own level of your self.
I'll tell you one thing for sure... I've made millions during my career, but that's like comparing a flea to an elephant when you, yes, made the bucks on swerved or corporate moves.
It's time to bury all. You want, expect or demand an explanation or chart or map of me. Well, here it is. An opportunity for you all to find out the truth like it or not and view of the mad man or genius which ever you choose.
Send E-mail or letters to me and I will answer the top one-hundred . Yes. The truth bare to the bone. I'll list them on my site and list by # then I'll continue, to do this until Jan. 15th and at the time answer ten questions per week for ten weeks.
To view answers it will cost you $1.95 per week or all ten weeks for $14.95 . Once received you will be given a code to the room with the answers . Anyone giving or sending answers to others will be prosecuted. No one is to copy or retain answers or questions in any form. Questions will be picked randomly every week. Yes, it will be the truth, not for money but, because I'm the only one that has come forward and given up my secrets and pain for all, but not for money, but for hope that it could help someone else make a decision, or maybe I'm truly the only one with a problem.
In closing I wish you all a Merry Syphilis and a Happy Gonorrhea.
P.S. He loves us all.
Umm... I saw the Heroes of Wrestling PPV.... he was messed up. That's ONE.
He looked a little whacked on his one appearence on that ECW PPV. That's TWO!!
Umm.... I don't know, he's never around anymore
I wonder if anyone took him up on this offer?
This guy... he's quite the character.
Okay, let's wrap things up with part two of our startling five part expose...
THE RING RAT SURVIVAL GUIDE
If you missed it, click over, and scroll down to the bottom of
yesterday's news to catch up.
Chapter 2: Seducing a Ring Rat
Now that you are able to determine the various types of Rats, Chapter 2 takes it to the next level.
Let's face it, a normal man needs loving every once in awhile-and Ring Rat sex is a cheap & easy way to score.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A WRESTLER IN ORDER TO NAIL A RAT!
Read below to find out how.
What You'll Need:
Condoms, condoms & more condoms! Having Ring Rat sex without proper protection is like sticking a loaded gun in your mouth. Lord only knows what diseases a common rat can transmit A hotel room, in the same hotel the wrestlers are staying. The reasons are quite obvious why you'll need this (wink, wink , nudge, nudge) Clothespins. Once these mongrels spread their legs and open their stink canal, the stench can be overwhelming. We suggest you wear the clothespin.
Setting the Bait:
Here are several ways to seal the deal, and be guaranteed a night of nasty Rat loving. Simply walk up to a Rat and tell her the following lines:
"Hey did you see my dark match against Steve Blackman tonight?"
"My hotel room is on the same floor as Jeff Hardy's room"
That is all you have to say! Once a Rat finds out you are a worker, & you are close by to Jeff Hardy-the deal is sealed!
Be prepared to have your picture taken with the Rat & all her friends right then & there though.
Tomorrow Chapters Three & Four: Security and Precautions and Disposing of a Ring Rat
That's right, TWO of them. So I can get the whole thing finished in a week.
I wish I had something snappy to say to close. Something pithy... something with mirth.
Last words... umm...
Freely formed ideas are almost always followed by wave after wave of self doubt. True leaders are the ones who learn how to surf.
How's that?
This is Hyatte